I want to be perfect.

Good evening ladies and gentleman.

Aku nak kurus. I means slim and SKINNY. Bukankah perfect girl ialah mereka yg bersaiz 0 dengan ukuran badan 36-26-36? Banyak usaha yang perlu dilakukan untuk aku mencapai ukuran tuh. And you know what. Itu azam aku. I am going to get that measurement starting ermm like 3 weeks ago?

Kronologi berat aku bermula lepas SPM berat aku naik mendadak. Dari 51 Kg to 61kg. 10 kg in advance plus holiday. but masuk matrik berat aku turun 3 kg . holiday tunggu result matrix and masuk U naik lagi 63kg. itu agak bahaya bagi aku yg hanya 159cm. sudah overweight. And now 5 month to spend during the holiday doing nothing except house chores including cleaning, cooking and kemas rumah thing and online i am going to get an increased of weight and I am not going to let that thing happen. not when i am still Alive.

Berat aku takleyh lebih daripada rekod lame that's is 63kg. I need to lose weight and I would kill to do it. *semangat.
I am obsessing about it since the holidays going to start. I make up my mind and niat yang aku bukan saja akan kurus with a slimmer figure and decreased in weight but healthier. thus, my journey begin. bdw guys can tolerate when it comes to girl's height but not a girl's weight. damn it stab me.

I thought that it is going great, yes i lose 3kg, now my current weight is 56kp in 2 weeks. but it is only my thought, i know i am doing it in a bad way. I should only lose 1 kg per week. I skipped meal, no lunch or dinner. I disturb my food schedule's. I ate breakfast at 11am so that I won't be hungry and cravin for lunch or tea time.

My breakfast usually consist of kokocrunch, plain water or 2 pieces of bread with milo. it is enough to make me not starving till the end of the day. I drinks lot of water, to keep up my freshness as i am exercising. Jogging, dancing, up down the stairs and running using the treadmill in my house. 2 hours per day. I takes 300kalory per meal that is more than enough compared to the normal model.

I don't want to be a model and takes only 300kalory for a day. that's only can be done by eating a piece of chewing gum. I know I am doing it wrong but I just want to be thin. Obsessing over it since looking into my high school friend picture that's become slimmer day by day. My self esteem going down. I just want to be thin and I going to try anything to get 48kg ! in 4 month i need to lose another 13 kg. I can do it. I NEED to succeed. By hook or crook. I am willing to sacrifice not eating all the delicacies or sweet dessert as long as I am getting thinner.

Hurm just hoping my parent wont notice I wasn't eating. Or else I need to faking it. I can just pretending to eat in a smaller portion then need to vomit and I am safe from increased in weight. I just want to be less in weight. just that. and it is my priority now.